A COUPLE are demanding money and presents just because they got laid, it has emerged.
James and Eleanor Shaw, who are expecting a baby in three months, are sharing the joy of their new arrival by demanding financial compensation from unsuspecting friends.
Eleanor said: “We quickly realised having a baby is f**king expensive. There’s so much shit you have to buy – nappies, clothes, those fancy Montessori toys I’ve seen on Etsy. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and we thought, why shouldn’t it take a village to pay for one too?”
James added: “The great thing about baby showers is they literally mean ‘shower us with stuff’. Normally, it’d be really awkward asking people for money or goods, especially when we don’t know them that well.
“But by inviting them to our house for a wholesome gathering, they have no excuse. If they don’t bring an envelope of cash or a gift, they’re guaranteed to look like heartless bastards who hate our unborn child.”
Friend Lucy Parry said: “I hate baby showers. Why do I have to schlep to their house for a soppy party, just because they didn’t use a condom?
“They can have a multipack of wet wipes and a supermarket teddy, and then I’ll be sneaking out to get pissed in the garden.”