A FAMILY has gone feral after learning that Wetherspoon pubs will no longer serve roast dinners.
The Hayes family would gather weekly at their local Wetherspoon and pretend to be a functioning social unit.
Wayne Hayes said: “That black gravy was the glue holding this family together.
“Of course I’d be getting drunk and slurry by two in the afternoon but that roast told everyone that we were a decent, normal family like in an advert for dishwasher tablets.
“If anyone ever questioned my parenting skills I had a trump card in the form of a dry Yorkshire pudding, the inside of which looked like a spider’s web.”
Faced with the terrifying possibility of cooking a meal for a family of four, Wayne and wife Cathy have opted instead to shed the thin veneer of respectability and live as beasts in a local wood.
Cathy Hayes said: “From now on instead of sitting down as a family together every Sunday we’re going to roam the streets of the city turning over bins and scavenging any sustenance we can find.”