DO you know a credulous idiot who thinks ghosts or UFOs are real? Here’s how to pick holes in their stupid beliefs for their own good.
Why do you never see ghosts in shell suits?
Whenever someone sees a ghost it’s invariably dressed in clothes from the olden days, but why? It’s not like people stopped dying in 1905. Surely it’s just as likely you’d see a ghost dressed in a melted shell suit who’s been run over by a car as a grey lady in a Victorian dress who – predictably – died of consumption?
Why are poltergeists so boringly domestic?
Ghosts should be exciting, so why are so many found doing tedious stuff in people’s homes, likes emptying cupboards or throwing a spoon across the kitchen? It’s basically the same as having a badly behaved toddler, and not as cute.
Why would lights in the sky be anything other than aeroplanes?
If you see a light in the sky, the most likely explanation is that it’s an aeroplane. Ah, but paranormal fans say, it wasn’t moving in the right way. Baffling, unless you consider other-worldly possibilities like a helicopter or a drone. There are many much simpler explanations than an alien spaceship was reconnoitring Cheam before vanishing into another dimension.
Why does a cold draft need further explanation?
A frequently reported effect of a ghostly presence is suddenly feeling a cold draft. Given that we live in a bloody freezing country fully of poorly insulated homes and we can’t afford to put the heating on, it’s no wonder people suddenly feel chilly for no apparent reason.
Why haven’t aliens made contact?
Some people think extraterrestrial lifeforms won’t visit earth until a point in human history when things have got so bad we need an intervention. But if we aren’t there now with our current mess, how awful does it need to get? Maybe they’ve already been, judged us to be f**ked and pissed off again.