Woman admits her ‘guilty pleasure’ is masturbation

A WOMAN has admitted her ‘guilty pleasure’ is not Hollyoaks, Curly Wurlys or the music of Neil Diamond but masturbation. 

Joanna Kramer, from Loughborough, made the confession during a conversation with workmates about those things you secretly really enjoy but are embarrassed to admit to.

Colleague Carolyn Ryan said: “I’d just finished telling everyone that I actually rewatch Clueless twice a year and still cry at the end. And then Joanna said that she had one.

“My guess was Harry Potter books or maybe Nice ’N’ Spicy Nik Naks, so it was a bit of a shock when she went straight for ‘wanking in the shower’.

“Apparently she waits until her husband’s not around, sneaks up there and massively indulges herself. As she was keen to point out ‘it doesn’t do anyone any harm’.”

Ryan added: “You can’t really argue with that, but I for one would have felt more comfortable if she’d said Bargain Hunt.”

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Corbyn finally enjoying his job

JEREMY Corbyn is finally starting to like being Labour leader.

Corbyn stressed that although he never really wanted the job in the first place, the last few days have been ‘rather splendid’.

He said: “I’m feeling really good about myself right now. I’m leaping out of bed and just raring to go.

“I’ve got an endorsement from Danny DeVito and an old-Etonian, Tory prime minister is on the brink thanks to one of the particularly nasty aspects of capitalism. It is great to be alive.”

Corbyn added: “I know I’m not going to win a general election, but I genuinely thought this job would be one long pain in the arse.

“And did I mention that Danny DeVito is a huge fan? He’s not a fan of David Cameron, he’s a fan of me. Tom Cruise is probably a fan of David Cameron and he’s a fucking looney.”