CLOSE examination of the Bible has revealed it was ‘Adam and Steve’ in the Garden of Eden the whole time.
Pope Francis revealed that ‘Eve’ was just a mistranslation and that fundamentalist Christians who oppose gay marriage would now have to change their placards.
The Pontiff said: “Turns out Adam was lonely, so God made him a companion in his own image. And being tempted by a snake? We’re just embarrassed we never spotted the symbolism anymore.
“Also God and Lucifer were a couple who fell out, Jesus was the first bear, and we got the Sodom and Gomorrah parts almost completely backwards.”
He added: “It explains the church’s longstanding disgust and disdain for women, because technically speaking they’re not part of His creation at all.
“Yes, we probably need to do something about them. What’s that verse in Exodus, about not suffering witches?”