Most popular baby names now just random jumbles of letters

THE trend for original baby names has led parents to use random sequences of letters like Lllrdwnnq.

Researchers found that child naming trends have moved on from WW2 bomber pilot names and hippy-sounding things like ’Noon’ towards just randomly bashing a keyboard then calling their kid whatever emerges.

Emma Bradford, mother of six-month-old Rbkdq, said: “My child is unique and so is his name.

“In fact we’re quite fluid about the spelling of it, partly because it has no vowels which makes it quite hard to remember. Some days it’s ‘Rbkdq’ and other days its ‘Rwqqw’.

“Sometimes people ask me how it’s pronounced and I just glare at them as if they’re morons. I actually find it quite offensive.”

Tom and Louise Logan called their daughter ‘Twegbneroi’. Tom said: “It could be the name of a mystical tribe of peace-loving badger people who existed before the dinosaurs.

“It’s not though. It’s just us trying really, really hard to be different.”

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Britons to read every word of EU booklet before moving on to Capital One invitation

BRITONS are to painstakingly peruse the Government’s 14-page pro-EU booklet before doing the same with their latest letter from Capital One. 

The glossy booklet, titled Congratulations! You Have Been Personally Selected for an Explanation of Why the Government Believes Remaining in the EU is the Best Decision for the UK, will be treated with the same reverence as all unsolicited mail. 

Joseph Turner of Welwyn Garden City said: “When making key decisions, whether remortgaging or leaving the EU, I always turn first to whatever’s come through the post. 

“I’ve set the whole afternoon aside for this booklet, with a pad and pencil ready to make notes, and I’m confident that when I’ve finished I will be equipped to make an informed decision. 

“After that it’s the Boden catalogue, and then my latest Capital One invitation. I wonder how they’ll elaborate on yesterday’s stunning gambit of a facsimile platinum card included within the very envelope?

Turner added: “Wait, is that the letterbox? What’s this? A new pizza restaurant also able to deliver? 

“Cancel my dinner plans. This deserves my full attention.”