A 34-YEAR-OLD woman’s greatest fear is not only being targeted by a serial killer but also being his least alluring victim.
Bespectacled true crime fan Hannah Tomlinson is terrified of being murdered and also of not being anywhere near as photogenic as her murderer’s other, better kills.
Tomlinson said: “Serial killers have a type, and I worry I might be a bit mousy. And it would just be humiliating.
“Imagine podcasters speculating that my violent death was him ‘going against his established physical preference’ or, even worse, ‘an attempt to throw off the police’ so he could go on stalking hotties.
“Or theorising that he only went for me as a crime of opportunity. You’d want to think ‘At least he had an unhealthy obsession with me,’ not ‘I suppose she’ll do’.”
“They’d probably work out I’d only stumbled on him burying a body because I have a tragic hobby like ornithology, and from this anomaly crack the case, catch him and it’ll all be my fault and girls listening to podcasts will call me a bitch.”
Serial killer Oliver O’Connor said: “No way will I kill her – urgh – but I will allow her to get engaged to me once I’m on Death Row.”
