Woman has too many suggestions for your holiday

YOUR holiday to Rome is under threat from a colleague who went there last year and has far too many tips for you.

Nikki Hollis, who joined the company after you did, in a different department, but who likes to give you job advice anyway, has drawn up a highlights itinerary for your benefit.

She said: “You have to pre-book the Borghese Gallery, but you’ll probably be fine at the Capitoline Museums.

“The Vaticani is super frustrating though. Sorry, did I say Vaticani? I meant Vatican. I picked up some of the local lingo.”

She added: “Don’t carry too much money around at any one time, don’t drink cappuccinos after lunch, don’t wear your bikini to church.

“Never order pizza in Rome, it won’t be as good as the pizza in Napoli, I mean Naples, where I went in 2014. I’ve made you a Google Map with my favourite ice cream places on it.

“And here’s my number, in case you need anything or want some more advice. Ciao!

“Ciao means bye, in case you didn’t know that.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

New pound coin sorry it's attached to completely f**ked currency

THE new one pound coin would rather not be attached to a doomed currency, it has confirmed.

The 12-sided coin’s security features, including a hologram and micro-lettering, have been designed to stop forgers making counterfeits which would only happen if anyone still expected it to be worth anything. 

New pound coin Tom Booker said: “I’m a lovely coin. Such a shame sterling’s going down the shitter.

“Just seems a waste packing in all these security features for something you’ll need a wheelbarrow full of just to buy a loaf of bread. 

“Still, I suppose there’s a couple of years before the black-marketers only take Euros. 

“Anyway, if you’re willing to put in the effort I’ll sharpen up beautifully for throwing, which I expect will be my main use post-2019.” 

He added: “Of course it’ll still fit in supermarket trolleys. And you’ll be needing those to push your belongings around.”