Woman realises her entire romantic life has been making herself laugh in front of boring men

A WOMAN has realised her entire love life has just been her enjoying her own company in front of a succession of tedious men.

Rachel Brett, 28, said: “I was midway through a date with Simon when I realised it. He was on his fourth story about carbonara, and I’d already tuned out after the first 90 seconds.

“The night perked up when we got into a little back-and-forth riffing about forks. I remember laughing really hard and beginning to enjoy myself.

“But then I got home and it hit me. I realised that I’d been the one saying all the funny things and he’d just sat there, barely contributing at all. In fact, I think he may have had some more stories about carbonara.

“Then I thought back to all the other dates I’ve had with men I thought were funny over the years, and how lucky I’d felt to be sitting there with them. I realised that they hadn’t been amusing at all, they’d just been present whilst I was being funny.”

She added: “Since this realisation, I’ve just been going out on dates with myself, and I’m having a much nicer time.”

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'I go to gigs to hear myself talk, not to listen to the band'

THERE’S an alarming tendency at modern gigs for exuberant conversation among gig-goers to be drowned out by the music coming from the stage.

Call it rudeness, call it self-indulgence, but when I have paid sometimes in excess of £15 to attend a concert, I expect to be able to hear the sound of  me and my friends yelling to one another about the stuff that happened to us this week.

Having paid our money and located a good spot near the stage, I was annoyed to be put off by the strains of Van Morrison, who appeared to demand that we give him our undivided attention.

This seemed rude, considering I hadn’t finished my story about how I totally nailed it in a marketing meeting.

I go to gigs because it’s a great place to chat and I like to think of myself as the sort of person who goes to gigs.

Why won’t these so-called musicians respect that?