A WOMAN whose boyfriend claims he likes women who look ‘natural’ is going to stop washing her hair and shaving her toes, she has confirmed.
Nikki Hollis has decided that if boyfriend Tom Logan wants her to look ‘fresh-faced’ and ‘like she just woke up’ he’s going to get the full treatment, including a monobrow and fingernails like a warlock.
Hollis said: “I know that when Tom says he likes me to be natural looking, he doesn’t mean with massive bags under my eyes because he’s kept me up all night snoring like a pig on ketamine.
“He means wearing enough foundation, concealer and mascara to stop me looking knackered, plus removing all the hair from my body, apart from that on my head and a frankly ludicrously-shaped patch on my pubic region.
“So I’m going to let myself go to seed like an abandoned garden and see how much he enjoys me being ‘natural’ then.
“I’m aiming for looking like a cross between Mrs Twit and Brian Blessed, with the feet of Bilbo Baggins and hair like a bird’s nest. And then I’m going to dump him for being a bit of a bellend.”