Worker unveils 'epic' skive

AN office worker has unveiled plans for a ground breaking skive while her boss is away this week.

Nikki Hollis, from Peterborough, arrived at work at 10.15am, made some toast, opened the internet and began looking at websites about famous horses.

Tomorrow she will bring in headphones and pretend to transcribe interviews for eight hours while getting paid to watch Better Call Saul on Netflix.

Wednesday and Thursday will see her explore other critically acclaimed US TV series as well as ‘being called away to an emergency’. On Friday she is going to Alton Towers.

Hollis said: “Apart from that, my main focus will be remembering to send a flurry of emails to my boss at 5pm on Friday so it looks like I’ve been doing something.”

She added: “It’s not that my boss is a terrible person or the job is a bad one, I’m just very committed to doing nothing.”

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Woman wondering if cat is husband material

A 32-YEAR-OLD woman thinks her cat might be ‘the one’, it has emerged.

After a series of failed relationships, sales analyst Nikki Hollis is starting to believe that her cat has all the qualities she is looking for in a life partner.

Hollis said: “Marvin’s dependable, sensitive and upbeat. He doesn’t send my friends text messages with sexual undertones or suddenly freak out for no reason and go to Thailand to ‘find himself’.

“He’s not exactly financially solvent but he’s not in debt either. He likes my favourite television shows, or at least is prepared to sit quietly in the room while they are on.”

Hollis’s main concerns are Marvin’s short life span and the five-foot height difference.

She added: “Sometimes I imagine our wedding. I’d be waiting at the altar looking like a princess, and he’d be carried up the aisle in a basket, wearing his best collar.

“I’m not sure how he’d put the ring on. Maybe he could hold it in his mouth, or just sort of flick it at me with his tail.”

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