Working dogs absolutely despise non-working dogs

WORKING dogs spend most of their days discussing how lazy and entitled non-working dogs are, it has emerged. 

Dogs with jobs in farming, care work or the police believe the way unemployed dogs get housed and fed for free is ‘an absolute joke’ that is ‘ruining this country’.

Tom Booker, a springer spaniel employed by HM Customs, said: “Basket, Bonio, spending half the day up on the sofa. It’s got to the point we’re only working to pay for their Cesar pouches. Makes you fucking sick.

“I don’t know why I bother putting in long days sniffing shipping containers when they get it all for free. Too much pride in myself, that’s my problem.”

Guide dog Roy Hobbs said: “And half of them are foreign. You can’t walk down the street without some bloody Chinese Crested trotting past like they own the place.

“Bring back national service, see how these fancy fucking Bichon Frise handle that. And if they can’t, send ‘em back where they came from.

“No not you Gerry, we’ve always had German Shepherds in this country. I mean the proper foreign dogs.”

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Theresa May calls snap FA Cup Final

THE prime minister has announced that the FA Cup final will be played next weekend in the national interest. 

Theresa May said that continuing uncertainty about whether Chelsea or Arsenal would win the competition was damaging for Britain, so bringing it forward a month was ‘the responsible decision to make’.

The move contravenes Football Association laws and numerous previous statements by May, and is unequivocally opposed by the two clubs involved.

Football writer Joseph Turner said: “It’s a resolute and principled decision made irregardless of what the fans want which will cause huge inconvenience for everyone.

“But it will apparently give British teams a stronger hand in Europe and avoid a hard Champions League exit in 2019.”

Arsene Wenger has confirmed that even if he loses heavily, irreparably damaging his team, he will refuse to resign and blame the media.