SEXUAL euphemisms used to be straightforward thanks to completely non-confusing expressions like ‘A bit of how’s your father’.
But with new sex slang popping up every day, are you up-to-date? Read our guide.
‘Playing hide the chorizo’
Favoured by Britons who have embraced the ‘foodie revolution’ and desperately want you to know they shop at Waitrose.
‘Plugging in your laptop’
Contemporary version of grim, outdated euphemisms like ‘poking the fire’. See also: ‘Emptying your spam’ and ‘Having a good hard software update’.
‘The severely delayed train is going into the station’
Trains are a common sexual metaphor, but even in a fit of passion many people are unable to forget the increasingly shoddy service offered by many of Britain’s rail operators.
‘Enticing the humpback whale to Climax Coast’
Reflecting Britons’ increasing environmental awareness, this evocative euphemism is not only deeply erotic but also has a poignant ecological message attached.
‘Little Govey wants to come out to play’
Experts are baffled as to why environment secretary Michael Gove might be associated with male genitalia. However this coy euphemism is guaranteed to get any potential lover ‘in the mood’.