Sunday, 18th April 2021

Gammons already asking why you're not wearing a poppy

RUDDY-FACED patriots obsessed with the war are appalled to see you are not wearing a poppy yet and want to know why.

Despite Remembrance Sunday being almost a month away, Little Englanders are concerned that most people have not yet pinned a paper flower to their chest.

Norman Steele said: “I’ve already retrieved my poppy from my special poppy drawer and am wearing it with pride. I have another one for my pyjamas and will be buying more.

“Why isn’t everyone else doing the same? It’s not as if this solemn event has been co-opted by angry patriots and that makes people feel uneasy. There’s only one explanation – treachery.

“Even fetching BBC weather girl Carol Kirkwood appears to have forgotten our glorious victory over the Hun, and she’s the only reason I pay my licence fee.

“I’ve got until Remembrance Sunday to give woke snowflakes a piece of my mind and rant about us not speaking German. It’s what our ancestors who fought for freedom would have wanted.”

Steele’s son Craig said: “Isn’t speaking German quite useful? Looks like I’ll be buying a white poppy again just for the lulz.”