BRITAIN’S courageous fighting forces are eager to step in and defend Ukraine once the war is over and any threat of violence is gone.
A landmark agreement between the UK and France will see Britain’s famously valiant forces deployed in Ukraine once they have 100 per cent certainty that they will not be shot at by Russians.
An Army spokesperson said: “Our boys are raring to go. All they’re waiting for is a peace treaty to be inked and they’ll swoop right in, ready for anything peaceful and reasonably pleasant.
“The second the last tank rolls out of the Donbas region they’ll be there to show Putin who’s boss. Actually, maybe once the rubble’s been bulldozed and the territory’s been swept for mines. We don’t want any nasty injuries.
“Either way, it’ll be this generation’s D-Day. Plucky old Britain to Europe’s rescue in the face of overwhelming adversity once again. But instead of the Nazi war machine, this time we’ll be facing demilitarised zones.
“Even as we speak our crack forces are busy training. The ranks are building their collections of porn DVDs, and officers are lazily leaning back on chairs in mess halls while scrolling phones. Yes, Ukraine is in safe hands.”
Soldier Martin Bishop said: “We’ve been given orders to retreat if one of us gets so much as a paper cut. No need to drag NATO into this.”
