SCOTLAND'S invasion of Holland has been postponed indefinitely after the Dutch Navy seized a consignment of 25,000 Scottish infantry sporrans.
The Portuguese-flagged ship carrying the Taiwanese-made sporrans was boarded by Dutch sailors 30 miles off the coast of Denmark.
The sporrans are now being held in the basement of the Dutch Military Intelligence HQ in the Hague.
The Scottish infantry has struggled to find a sporran supplier after the production of home-grown sporrans ground to a halt as rival firms sued each other over Ministry of Defence contracts.
Defence analyst Julian Cook said: "Scotland's military is effectively paralysed without sporrans."
He added: "Anyone who has seen Carry on up the Khyber will know that the sporran in an integral part of the Scottish soldier's armoury.
"The Khasi of Kalabar was as frightened of the sporrans as that which lay underneath."
A spokesman for First Minister Alex Salmond said: "We're prepared for the worst. These people defile tulips as a matter of course. Imagine what they could do to a defenceless sporran."