Threatening nuclear war no longer the worst thing Trump has done this week

DONALD  Trump has impressed the international community by managing to make threatening a pre-emptive nuclear strike seem comparatively reasonable.

By declining to criticise a group of Nazis for murdering a woman in cold blood for disagreeing with them, Trump knocked imminent Armageddon off the top spot and into a second place where it competes with his suggestion he might invade Venezuela.

Political analyst Julian cook said: “For most people, the realistic threat of nuclear immolation for a large part of humanity would be a bit of a showstopper. But you know Donald, he always got to go one better.

“And from his tweets, you know he never sleeps and is always thinking of more stuff to do.”

A White House spokesman said: “It’s only Monday.”

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Hunt uses same plumber who installed NHS IT system

JEREMY Hunt has paid £44,000 for a shower room in his office after employing the same plumber who installed the NHS computer system.

The health secretary hired Wayne Hayes, from Peterborough, after Hayes charged the NHS £2.3bn for a computer system that does not work and is never going to.

Hayes said: “I am a very bad plumber and an even worse IT consultant. But I always say to people ‘what’s the difference between installing a toilet and installing an IT system?’.

“And then they explain it to me.

“Anyway, I was not remotely surprised when Jeremy asked me to install a bad shower room in his office for no less than forty grand.

“At first the shower and toilet were in the middle of the office, but then we decided to build a wall around them. It doesn’t work very well, but that’s why its so expensive.”

Hunt said: “Private sector partners. Efficiency. World class facilities. Value for money.”