A SALES manager who tells employees ‘Cheer up, it might never happen!’ has no idea that they cannot because it has happened and it is he.
Stephen Malley, aged 54, uses the phrase on a daily basis without ever understanding that he, and indeed his characteristic phrase, are the very event he optimistically warns about.
Colleague Joanna Kramer said: “I was cheerful, mate. And then it happened. Fucking you walked through the door.
“To be asked to graft on a fake smile for the benefit of the very twat who is the reason all genuine smiles have gone is an insult wrapped in a philosopical conundrum.
“‘It might never happen,’ he says. What, I might not get a boss who’s an insufferable dickhead? I might not have to pretend to laugh at his offensive jokes?
“What actually happened is that Stephen got promoted, has a company Audi, gets a five-figure bonus and can’t understand why everyone else isn’t as happy as he is at this news.”
Malley said: “Come on guys, turn those frowns upside down! Why’s everybody got a case of the Mondays?”