Friday, 22nd January 2021

Colleague who suggested 'virtual secret Santa' told to piss off

AN office worker who floated the idea of doing a virtual secret Santa has been told to piss off by colleagues, it has been confirmed.

The instruction came after Carolyn Ryan suggested her team could anonymously exchange pieces of tat worth up to £10 via Zoom “for a bit of festive fun”.

Co-worker Donna Sheridan said: “As if 2020 hasn’t been bad enough. And now Carolyn wants me to trawl around the few remaining shops for a mug that Mark from accounting might find funny? Jog on.

“With each passing day you could tell there was a tacit agreement that we’d quietly let secret Santa slide this year, along with eating a balanced diet and not wanking during work hours. Then Carolyn goes and ruins it.

“Although if she just wants to post me the cash value I won’t stop her.”

Ryan’s boss Tom Logan said: “I’ve been looking for a reason to sack Carolyn for ages, and this is the perfect excuse.

“Her work’s been subpar but HR need something more concrete than that. Once I tell them she tried to organise something that might boost morale she’ll be out the door, no questions asked.”