HOT people may be pleasant to look at, but that does not entitle them to work in any job they like. In fact they’re best banned from these roles:
Dental hygienist
Unless you’re a sicko turned on by the clinical atmosphere of the dentist’s, hotties are wasted in this industry. It’s impossible to feel stirrings in your pants as they subject you to pain in the name of cleanliness, and the spectre of the bill will kill your libido even if they’re a ten. And if you’re still aroused despite all this, how are you supposed to safely recreate this thrilling kink at home?
Driving instructors
Learning to drive requires intense focus, so the last thing you need while hurtling towards a roundabout in first gear is distracting erotic thoughts about the person sat mere inches to your left. In the interests of road safety, the DLVA should require that all driving instructors have acne or are prepared to wear a paper bag over their heads.
Rag-and-bone man
It’s not a very progressive thing to admit, but you expect certain jobs to be filled by a particular type of person. When it comes to tat collectors, toothless old geezers who look a bit like Popeye fit the bill. Hotties like Henry Cavill or Sydney Sweeney rummaging around for scrap would spark more of a backlash than a female James Bond. It just goes against the natural order of things.
Cold callers
You don’t feel bad about slamming the phone down on someone if they’ve got an annoying nasal voice, but hanging up on a cold caller with a sultry purr is nigh on impossible. Their dulcet tones will have you handing over your bank details for any old pyramid scheme and they know it. By law they should only be allowed to use their vocal talents for the more honest profession of phone sex operator.
Masseuse
Getting your knotted muscles manhandled by some ogre is actually better than a stunner running their oiled palms all over your body. With uggos you don’t have to keep your body in check by thinking unsexy thoughts while you’re trying to relax. Hot masseurs can’t reasonably expect your groin to behave when they’re touching you, and it’s outrageous that they’ll charge you more or phone the police if you ask them to finish what they started.
