HOMEWORKERS with children begin six weeks of an endlessly harried logistical f**king nightmare today, they have confirmed.
Anyone accustomed to packing their children blissfully off to be somebody else’s problem for six hours is now spending all day every day with them in their workplace for a month-and-a-half.
Copywriter and mother-of-two Hannah Tomlinson said: “The way we’re going, I’m going to be issuing a full-volume screaming bollocking before noon. And this is day one.
“I’ve got bits of childcare from grandparents, my husband’s taking time off, they’re signed up for some half-arsed summer camp, but it makes no difference. They’re still here near-constantly.
“I can’t have a meeting without urgent screams from the garden. I can’t type a sentence without one of them coming in on rollerskates. I can’t read an email without a f**king beetle being put on the laptop ‘because I looked lonely’.
“And with kids around I’m having to be the homeworker I claim to be. No morning wank, no 11am spliff, no lunchtime Love Island, no afternoon wank. It’s like lockdown all over again.”
12-year-old Sam Tomlinson said: “Goading mum to the point of banning Xbox, then watching her realise she had to back down? Beautiful. And this is day one.”