How much do you hate your job?

JOBS. No one likes them except for pricks. But how much do you genuinely hate yours? Let’s take a look…

How much would you rate your job out of 10?

A. Oh, a 10. Despite the fact that it’s a purely financial agreement that realistically either side could break at any time.

B. Minus zero and counting.

Would the place ‘fall apart’ without you?

A. Of course it would. I pretty much run this place. Despite the fact I don’t have a contract and they could let me go without any real reason at any given opportunity.

B. If it did fall apart I know who they’d ask to clean it up.

How do you spend most of your working day?

A. Not thinking about my bitterness towards an unresolved work issue for which I have always held a grudge.

B. Thinking about my bitterness towards an unresolved work issue for which I have always held a grudge.

What else could you do?

A. Why would I want to risk all this nothing on something better?

B. My only fear is that if I did quit there will be nothing stopping me from running off into the woods and becoming a full-time survivalist maniac.

Mostly As: Well done, you somehow don’t hate your job. Are you okay?

Mostly Bs: Well done, you hate your job. Are you the leader of the Labour Party?


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Woman unable to walk down street without holding coffee

A WOMAN is struggling to go anywhere without a takeaway coffee in her hand.

Carolyn Ryan has become so accustomed to leaving her flat, place of work and any cafe she visits with a coffee in-hand that she can no longer conceive of having both hands free.

Ryan, 32, said: “If my hand isn’t weighed down with a latte I feel so light and free like I might just float away, or feel obliged to shake someone’s hand.

“Most of the time I don’t even drink it, I just like having a slightly warm hand and the knowledge I could spill 200ml of fluid down myself at any time.

“What’s so good about having empty hands anyway? It’s not the nineties. People aren’t walking around all free-handed, holding doors open for people and waving at their friends”.

Tom Logan, Ryan’s boyfriend, added: “Carolyn gets major anxiety in case she needs to dehydrate and there aren’t any coffee shops around.

“Her constant need to drink milky fluids is one of her little quirks, along with the claw her hand now forms when she isn’t holding her reusable coffee cup.”