Speedrunning Super Mario Odyssey, and other skills Gen Z can list on their CVs

NEW generations have unique skills to highlight on their CVs. Here James Bates, 17, who is living in his mum’s house while he looks for a job, advises on what will impress employers.

Operating my own YouTube channel

My channel where I review crisps and go off on long tangents about how women ruined Star Wars has over 15 subscribers. I plan to double that number by 2025. Could be useful for a career in TV, if the BBC, ITV and Channel 4 only showed programmes slagging off Ahsoka.

Speedrunning Super Mario

Okay, I’m not the world’s fastest speedrunner, or anywhere near the top one hundred. But if my mum is out for the night and I have enough Red Bull, I can clock the game in well under six hours. If I become a doctor I could speedrun operations and reduce waiting lists.

Knowing basically every Pokémon

I admit I don’t literally know all of them as there are over 1,000 now, but my millennial brother only knows the original 150 and I could name you all the ones up to Pokémon Moon. I’m thinking this could lead to a career with Nintendo, but my mum says McDonald’s on the high street is advertising for staff and it would be really useful for their next Pokémon promotion. Trust mum to set her sights low!

An interest in classical music

I have an old soul and as such enjoy older music more than modern stuff. My favourite classical artist is Britney Spears and I know almost all the words to her classic hit Genie in a Bottle. My burgeoning collection of classical music includes Michael Jackson, Kurt Cobain’s Nirvana and Blur, but you won’t have heard of those.

Diagnosing mental distress

Most boomers walk around unaware they are suffering from mental health issues, and the least I can do is point out what’s wrong with them. I explained to my dad he’s on the autism spectrum, feels trapped by heteronormative definitions of gender, and probably suffers erectile dysfunction like most elderly males. Judging by his terse response, he has anger issues too.

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None of hotel room's 40 light switches switch off the lights

NONE of a hotel room’s 40 unmarked light switches actually switch off the lights, forcing guests to play a tiresome game of trial-and-error.

Donna Sheridan, a saleswoman on a business trip, arrived at Rumwick Manor Hotel in Hertfordshire at 11:30pm after a nine-hour drive and strangely wanted the opportunity to sleep without the lights on.

Sheridan said: “This switch turns the bathroom lights off. This one turns off both bedside lamps but the bathroom lights back on. This one switches on some strip lights on the skirting boards. 

“There’s even a toggle which makes all the lights slowly shift through a rainbow of colours. What would be handy is a switch that makes the room actually dark.”

Hotel manager Martin Bishop explained: “Our rooms have been designed to provide lighting to suit every mood. We can’t have guests messing up the ambience by switching things off.

“Like our complimentary pillow mint and dressing gown, we believe nothing says ‘luxury hotel’ more than a control panel on every wall like the Starship Enterprise, along with at least one switch hidden behind a chair which does absolutely nothing.”

Bishop dismissed environmental concerns, saying: “To reduce our carbon footprint, the lights turn off automatically when the room is empty. Just not when someone is trying to sleep in it.”

Sheridan eventually discovered the lights could be turned off by attempting to charge her mobile phone from the bedside power socket, leaving just a red LED on the ceiling fire alarm, which flashed every five seconds and was three times brighter than the sun.