Friday, 6th December 2019

Teacher planning to retire on end-of-term presents

A PRIMARY school teacher has quit her job and plans to retire on the proceeds of the gifts she has received from thankful parents. 

Susan Traherne of Hereford believes she has enough boxes of chocolates, bottles of prosecco, and single orchids in pots to live comfortably for the rest of her life.

She said: “The gift bags alone will pay off my mortgage. It’s easy street for me.

“I’ve booked a couple of removal vans and a storage unit to hold it all until I can unload the lot on bulk buyers for the resale market, but I’ll be walking away with around £700,000 and change.

“Not everything’s open yet, and I’m hoping some of the heavy hints I’ve dropped for white goods and jewellery have been picked up – I’ve got a list at John Lewis – but in Celebrations alone I’m a rich woman.

“Nothing handmade. None of your crap. Any cards will be shaken to check for cash, gift vouchers and cheques and then immediately disposed of.”

Pupil Wayne Hayes, aged 10, said: “Wow. Imagine how much she could’ve got if she hadn’t been sh*t.”