SENIOR Tories have welcomed accusations of sexual misconduct against a cabinet minister and aide on the grounds that it’s been months.
The news that the minister and the senior aide were kept in post despite allegations of assault and groping has seen many in the party sigh with relief at getting back on track.
Conservative grandee Denys Finch Hatton said: “It’s been a bugger of a summer. Inflation, terrible policing, strikes – failing in all those areas where Tories traditionally excel.
“So thank God we’ve dug deep and found ourselves a good honest sex scandal. At a time on national crisis it’s a much-needed reaffirmation of the Conservative brand. Telling voters exactly what we stand for.
“And what a gift to Boris. Over the next 72 hours I expect he’ll consider the matter closed, accept an apology, consider the matter closed, sack the men in question, consider the matter closed, bow to pressure and order an inquiry then refuse to discuss it because there’s an inquiry. It’s like his greatest hits.
“This should really boost us in the polls. You’d never see Labour behind a sex scandal like this. They haven’t got the balls.”