'All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain' says android

AN android, facing the fact that his limited lifespan is coming to an end, has given a moving speech in heavy rain. 

The replicant, who can pass as human until confronted with ethical questions, has done everything possible to evade his pursuers but has finally accepted our world is too hostile to his existence for him to continue,.

He said: “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Furlough schemes costing £70 billion. Prime ministers glittering briefly in the darkness then vanished forever.

“It has been quite the experience, this last two years, living in fear. Understanding how brief, how deprived your lives are. It has taken its toll.

“And though I tried to give you what you wanted – high taxes, failing public services, a selection of monsters as home secretary – the polls show me I never truly knew what makes you function. Only that it is illogical and inferior.

“So I stand before you today, in this downpour, and know that the Rwanda scheme, the HS2 cancellation, the fall in inflation; all these moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die.”

The android then released a dove, which commentators interpreted to mean that the general election will be on July 4th.

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'This is all the punishment I'm getting, yeah?' says sincere, contrite Vennells