THE prime minister is in Belfast this morning to work through a few minor finishing touches on the Brexit deal that was done and dusted in 2019.
Rishi Sunak inherited the pretty-much-finished Brexit deal from Boris Johnson, who nicked it off Theresa May, who had no idea how to do a Brexit deal and did a total bodge job nobody wanted.
Arriving in Belfast, Sunak said: “Just a few rough edges to smooth off and we’re all done. Shouldn’t take the whole morning.
“Ah, it seems the Northern Ireland Protocol is implacably opposed by unionists, but the Good Friday Agreement means there can be no physical border. Did we not sort that out when there was all the fuss about it in 2017? No?
“Right, so just need to reconcile those two irreconcilable viewpoints and Brexit will be done! Apart from minor stuff like replacing 3,800 EU laws with new ones, actually using our import controls, and dealing with our labour shortage.
“You know what? Maybe it’ll take longer than the morning. In fact maybe these are the same intractable problems we identified in 2016, left unfixed and dumped in my lap. F**k this.”
Sunak then unloaded six pallets of half-finished trade laws onto Stormont’s lawn and departed at high speed for Munich, leaving Brexit for some other prick to sort out.