THE UK is about to learn that Boris Johnson handles full-scale war as badly as he does Brexit, pandemics and the economy.
With Britain teetering ever closer to war with Russia, the country is soon to discover that the prime minister’s only resemblance to Winston Churchill is an inordinately popular public image slowly diminishing over time.
A Ministry of Defence spokesman said: “I was in a war meeting. We’re f**ked. If you want to tick something off your bucket list, do it now.
“He’s planning to celebrate the start of the conflict as a boon for the economy while wearing a tin helmet while Dominic Raab leads an inquiry into whether Putin is Russian.
“As for three-word slogans, expect to hear ‘Duck and Cover’, ‘Shoot the Bastards’ and ‘Nuke Their Nukes’ a lot. Expect them, as usual, to have no effect.
“Military experts will be sidelined in favour of Johnson’s own tactics: spouting soundbites to keep the tabloids happy, doing nothing about them and hosting parties from his Lulu Lytle-decorated nuclear bunker. As tens of thousands die. Like usual.”
But Roy Hobbs of Sheffield countered: “So what? Can you imagine how much worse it would be if Starmer was in charge?”
