THEY make turning the UK into ‘Argentina on the Channel’ sound like a bad thing when it was brilliant. Liz Truss explains why living a life of blithe ignorance is unbeatable:
You don’t feel shame
Clever people tend to focus on the consequences of their decisions, even occasionally concluding those decisions were wrong. That paralyses them with self-doubt. I skip that step, replacing it with wilful blindness, and confidently bound back into the public eye with bold new ideas like selling Birmingham to the UAE to build a new Dubai in the Midlands.
Nobody expects anything from you
Even average IQs are burdened with expectations, whereas morons like myself effortlessly coast through life. After my time as prime minister, thrilling in its brevity, nobody’s dumping tricky responsibilities into my in-tray. I get to do what I love: chasing laser pointers as they dart across the floor and trying to figure out how mirrors work.
You can say whatever you want
Once it’s firmly established that you ain’t got the smarts, you have a free pass to bark every cretinous thoughts in your head. It would be disturbingly off-brand if you said anything intelligent. For the sake of others’ wellbeing stick to what you know best, which is absolutely nothing. Except that you were right all along.
You still get invited to fancy events
Stupidity isn’t a barrier to entry when it comes to state events, held as they are for the Royal family. I’ll be shamelessly arriving at every major occasion in public life for decades to come, a selection of fascinators drawing attention to my bobble head. Even an imbecile like myself can be in the right place at the right time. There’s a life lesson in there somewhere, but I’m too dumb to figure it out.
You’ll always be happy
Give me an empty room with a bare bulb and I’ll sit there for hours, staring at a white wall, revelling in the trackless wastes inside my own head. To me it’s the world that’s stupid for failing to conform to how right I always am about everything. It’s perfectly simple until other people get involved. I’m still as great as I always was. And good at mental arithmetic.