BORIS Johnson has returned from his second holiday in a month, but Red Wall supporters have yet to grasp that he’s taking the piss. Try absorbing these hard truths:
He’s never finished anything
40 new hospitals? There’s some progress on two. Boris isn’t arsed about Brexit and never had any intention of deporting all the foreigners. He’s done a lazy wank of a job to suit himself and is now f**king off without regret, like he’s done from every job and marriage he’s ever had.
Everything’s a joke
If you’re claiming this is a positive, try it yourself: ‘My mum’s gone into hospital.’ ‘Didn’t know she was a doctor! Hahaha!’ See how funny everyone thinks it is. He joked through a pandemic about bodies piled high in their thousands, he laughed off multiple scandals and he’s laughing at you now. To him you’re the joke.
Excessive holidays
In the current crisis Boris went on back-to-back holibobs in Slovenia and Greece. During various crises in 2021 he was in Spain. He didn’t interrupt his Highland break to sort out A-levels in 2020. It doesn’t scream ‘commitment’, does it?
Partygate
If you wanted a window into Boris’ world it was Partygate. Ignore rules, take no responsibility, drink wine and lie about it. Not the best approach to work, and if you’re unable to remember very recent events described in detail by an inquiry, it might be worth a brain scan to check it’s nothing more serious than being a partisan twat.
Dressing up
He was in a hard hat or lab coat every other day. Is that conducive to work or dicking around dressing up? It’s lucky there wasn’t a chance to wear a suit of armour as he’d have borrowed one from the Royal Armouries, and permanently knackered it with his gut.
He’s just marking time now
Going for a ride in a Typhoon fighter? Oh come on. Boris is just doing his bucket list. Expect trips to the Taj Mahal, swimming with dolphins and the Inca Trail. That’s fine, you’ll argue irrelevantly, because he ‘got all the big decisions right’. Yeah? So why are we this f**ked?
