EACH week we meet a couple with a fascinating story about how their romance began. This week: far-right activist Tommy Robinson and home secretary Shabana Mahmood.
Shabana: I wasn’t looking for a relationship, due to being married and my new job taking up all my time. But when Tommy praised me on X recently I sensed there was more to his words than surface approval of my vindictive immigration policy.
Tommy: Shabana caught my eye when she suggested taking migrants’ valuables to pay for their housing. It’s impossible for the heart not to beat faster for a woman unafraid of doing literally what the Nazis did. But I never dreamt she’d DM me.
Shabana: I’m glad I did! We discovered we had so much in common – loathing of immigrants, always scheming up ways to get rid of immigrants, which immigrants to get rid of first. I couldn’t stop thinking to myself, is Tommy ‘the one’?
Tommy: We met, but when Shabana turned up I realised we had an issue I couldn’t get past: she’s based in London. I’m mostly in Tenerife these days, though I’m back in Britain a lot for court cases and fights at train stations.
Shabana: Our first meeting was wonderful. Tommy took me for an all-day full English, which is perfect optics for a Labour politician desperate to appeal to Sun readers. We committed to a relationship there and then and we’ve been inseparable since.
Tommy: I was nervous about meeting Shabana’s friends. Who wouldn’t be? But I needn’t have worried. Some of my opinions can be controversial, but Keir, Yvette, Rachel, even David Lammy, they all agreed with me. Keir actually said, ‘D’you mind if I take notes?’
Shabana: Now we’re looking at getting a place together. London prices are crazy but Tommy’s starting a crowdfunder. It’s lucky he keeps getting taken to court for no other reason than being white.
Tommy: We don’t agree on everything. Shabana thinks migrants should wait 20 years to settle permanently, whereas I favour putting them in old troopships, sailing them into the Channel and sinking them. But all relationships are based on compromise.
Shabana: I’m so lucky to have found my soulmate. Tonight we’re going to announce our relationship to Tommy’s supporters in the pub, and I know they’ll be delighted to share in our joy.
