Saturday, 15th August 2020

I should never have trusted a Gavin, says May

THERESA May has admitted the whole defence secretary sacking is her fault because she was foolish enough to trust a Gavin.

The prime minister violated the most important rule in politics, business or relationships because she was desperate for cabinet ministers, but it ended as it was always going to.

May said: “I thought this Gavin would be different. I was wrong.

“Everyone knows that the name Gavin is only bestowed upon those destined to disappoint us in life, as a warning to all they may encounter. It’s even horrible to say. It sounds like a small venomous snake.

“And no sooner had this particular Gavin wheedled his way into government than he began fucking up, culminating in a betrayal staggering for its sheer ineptitude. Staggering, unless you remember he is a Gavin.”

Psychologist Dr Helen Archer said: “There aren’t even any famous Gavins apart from that one who cheated on Charlotte Church, proving the rule.

“Get rid of a Gavin today. You’ll be glad you did.”