DEAR angry patriots. We regret that certain unhelpful government polices mean that your rage and loathing must be recalibrated toward a new sector of society.
I know. It seems only a short time since you were required to transfer your enmity from the EU to asylum seekers. And this isn’t because you didn’t do a fantastic job, because you did. Millions of people in this country now believe it is the only electoral issue.
But Labour, regrettably, have taken action on immigration. Harsh, inhumane and unnecessarily cruel action just as we favoured. So, while we promise never to lose focus on that menace, a new figure of hatred is required. Or should I say an old one?
Because today’s budget, which shall surely be Labour’s last, lifts the two-child cap on child benefit. Which means it’s time to concentrate your animosity on benefit claimants.
Freeloading scum! Workshy! Irresponsibly popping out brats so they can spend their free money from the state on booze and fags! Come on, you know this one. We all spent decades singing it!
Ignore that the filth you now despise are the same ones you were complaining went to the back of the housing queue last week. Gloss over Reform’s parliamentary seats also being the highest seats for benefits claims in the country. Logic is not your friend.
Brilliant work hating the small boats. You even hated the RNLI and we never dreamt you’d go so far. But political necessity demands those outdated resentments be left behind like so many dinghies on a Kent shore.
From today on, it’s all about your bone-deep detestation of the lazy benefit claimant. He’s who’s taking your hard-earned, he’s laughing at you, he’s why only the most right-wing possible government will do.
Thank you for your co-operation in advance.
