International Monetary Fund a bunch of f**king commies

THE International Monetary Fund are nothing but a bunch of hardcore anti-freedom Marxist-Leninists, Kwasi Kwarteng has stated.

Following criticism of his economic policies from the IMF, the chancellor has responded by calling them ‘the Red Menace determined to enslave Britain under their communist yoke.’

He continued: “Oh, they say they’re capitalist, and that they lend funds to failing economies, and they impose harsh free-market conditions like cutting corporate taxes and government spending. They say that.

“But IMF actually stands for International Marxist Front, and they’re run by Vladimir Lenin himself who is still alive on the dark side of the moon from where he plots with his agents in Britain: Jeremy Corbyn, Huw Edwards and King Charles.

“They know the UK is poised for amazing, system-breaking success like a greyhound in a trap. That their whole facade of holding capitalism back is about to collapse and their lies exposed.

“So they’ve hit out at us with this unprecedented, mildly-worded criticism which only proves we’re going in the right direction. We have to accelerate our programme. All corporation tax goes down to zero today.”

IMF leader Kristalina Georgieva said: “Okay, sure, I admit he got us. Wonder how he found out about Lenin?”

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'Trouble with your massive mortgage?' millennials innocently ask elders

MILLENNIALS are innocently asking their elders if everything is okay with their enormous mortgages after all this interest business.

A generation of renters are concerned for all the Boomers and Generation X homeowners who keep muttering ‘my fixed-rate deal’s up in April’ and other such nonsense.

Grace Wood-Morris, aged 29, said: “Hey. Everything fine with you guys? Because you look sort of concerned.

“I never bothered learning about mortgages – why would I, I’ll never be able to get one – but apparently they go up with interest rates? Don’t know about those either, not having any hope of saving.

“But I see you’re all hot and bothered about the financial stuff which usually comes at the end of the news but is now the headline. You’ll be alright, won’t you? You haven’t overstretched yourself or anything?

“I sure hope you guys don’t trigger a crash in house prices or anything. That’d be terrible. They might be affordable for people my age. Nightmare.”

Colleague Tom Logan, aged 52, said: “Oh f**k, oh f**k. There’s no way I can afford my mortgage and the business costs. I’ll have to fire Grace.”