BORIS Johnson has confirmed that it is only a matter of time until he appears on I’m A Celebrity choking down crocodile dicks.
The former prime minister, who is currently being eviscerated by former close colleagues in the Covid inquiry, admitted that if Nigel Farage is going into the jungle then he is surely next.
He said: “Matt Hancock walked so I could run. So we all could.
“I’ll let Farage and Laurence Fox – come on, it’s inevitable – precede me, so the blueprint is laid down. Populist enters jungle, gets hauled over the coals by D-listers, wins them round by being a sound bloke talking basic common sense.
“You think I can’t tousle my hair and turn on the charm? That my will-they-won’t-they flirtation with Ekin-Su won’t captivate the nation? That they won’t fall for my sob story about how difficult it is to keep on shagging while being terrible at your job?
“I’ll gamely smash the bushtucker trials, be elected as leader of the opposition in absentia, and fly home three million richer on course to sweep the next election. Cakeism in action.”
Outraged I’m A Celebrity viewer Nikki Hollis said: “I hate Boris and everything he stands for. I can’t wait to vote for him just like I did in 2019.”