A MAN has awoken from a horrific nightmare in which he had f**ked up so badly the only person defending him was Nadine Dorries.
Tom Booker cannot remember the bad thing he had done in the dream, but realised it must be truly unforgivable because no one was willing to stand by him except the secretary for digital, culture, media and sport.
He said: “I just remember this terrible feeling of remorse, as I’d done something horribly wrong like murdering Zoe Ball or sexually molesting my neighbour’s Westie and everyone knew about it. Then I saw Dorries.
“She was right there in the dream, asserting that the British people weren’t interested in my crime, whatever it was, and the media should move on and if they didn’t they’d have their citizenship revoked and be kicked out of the country.
“All I could think was ‘Only Dorries? It must be even worse than I thought.’
“Even now, four hours after waking, I still feel the shame. My mum wasn’t there defending me, nor my wife, nor my friends, nor my boss nor anyone. What I’d done was so unutterably vile that the only idiot willing to argue for me was Dorries.
“I’ve offered my resignation at work. They were confused at first, but when I told them about the dream they had security escort me off-site.”