THE former Duchess of York has requested her nation reward her for all the money she took from Jeffery Epstein on false pretences. 

Sarah Ferguson lied to a monster and took tens of thousands of dollars from him but gave nothing in return but a pretence of friendship which her actions show was plainly false, she has asserted.

She continued: “Point at one thing I even did for him. You can’t.

“If I had confronted his evil head-on I would have been crushed. So cleverly I used public perceptions of myself as a well-connected grifter to insert myself into his social circle, where I proceeded to defraud him for as much as possible. The emails are proof.

“Like a big ginger leech I siphoned his funds for more than 15 years, both pre- and post-conviction, diverting money that could have done so much harm to the safety of my bank accounts. There’s no telling how many I saved.

“Yes, I invited him to the occasional tea party on Royal premises. Given that previous invitees have included Robert Mugabe and General Pinochet, I think that can be forgiven and perhaps a grateful nation could reward me with a house and staff.”

A spokesman for Sarah Ferguson said: “I can confirm she actually believes people will fall for this.”