THE Conservatives and Labour have unveiled Boris Johnson as their secret weapon.
The Tories are hoping his bumbling, mop-headed Bertie Wooster-style persona will convince voters the party does not consist solely of thin-lipped, dead-eyed monsters and that Tory governments are ‘fun’.
Meanwhile, Labour is hoping his bumbling, mop-headed Bertie Wooster-style persona will mobilise voters who hate public schools and everything they stand for.
A Tory spokesman said: “He’s the cuddly teddy bear of corporate-friendly politics. He’ll get out and about, letting people take selfies with him and rubbing his tummy for good luck.”
A Labour spokesman said: “He’s the chubby stooge of corporate-friendly politics. He’ll get out and about, telling people that bankers are brilliant and generally being an unbearable git.”
Johnson said: “I suppose I’d prefer a Tory government, but if Cameron Minor loses then it’s my turn next. So I’m happy to help.
“Would anyone like me to ride my bike into the river and then blame it on the French?”