CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling is today expected to throw a budget lifeline to Britain's hard-pressed headless horsemen.
Mr Darling will unveil a series of measures to help people on incapacity benefit back into work, coupled with tax breaks for environmentally friendly transport.
He wants to use the tax and benefits system to tackle the growing problem of anti-social behaviour among thousands of under-employed headless maniacs.
A Treasury source said: "We're not suggesting they're claiming incapacity benefit illegally. They are headless, after all.
"And while they may be rampaging through the countryside, decapitating respected members of the community, at least they're doing it on a horse."
He added: "We have an opportunity to not only achieve staged reductions in rural beheadings, but offer rewards and incentives for low carbon mobility."
Meanwhile City analysts are divided over how Mr Darling's first budget will go. Tom Logan, head of markets at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "I think he'll make a complete and total arse of it."
But Wayne Hayes, chief economist at Madeley-Finnigan, said: "I think he'll do really well actually…. No, I'm just kidding. He'll be fucking awful."