Corbyn campaign ad is 14th Century folk play

JEREMY Corbyn has produced a leadership campaign advert in the form of a 14th Century folk play.

‘Ye Rhime Of Jeremie & His Band Of Pursuivants’ is a three-hour ‘mummers play’ to be performed by morris dancers and historical re-enacters in town squares across the country.

Maypole dancer Roy Hobbs said: “I play Olde Father Socialism, who gives alms and sweetmeats to the children in the audience until the Dragon Kendall forces him to flee.

“He’s eventually saved by the Gentil Knight Corbyn, who drives away the dragon atop his noble steed Nationalisation, which is played by my wife Margaret.”

The soundtrack, written by Billy Bragg for lute and tambourine, will be on sale in sheet music form to help raise funds for Corbyn’s campaign.

The play is a response to adverts released by Corbyn’s rivals, in which Liz Kendall confirmed that she has a computer and Andy Burnham revealed that his wife and immediate family quite like him.

But it may never be performed after New Labour hero Alastair Campbell handed Corbyn victory by backing any of his rivals. Corbyn aide Nikki Hollis said: “If Alastair endorsed the hunting of wildebeest, most lions would go vegan.”

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Kids fully aware that all their questions are annoying

SMALL children ask a lot of questions as part of a strategy of being deliberately irritating, it has emerged.

Researchers found that under-10s did not care about the answers to their relentless queries about animals, drinks, the weather, other children’s parents, food and gravity, but rather saw the barrage of questions as a form of antagonistic sport.

Six-year-old Wayne Hayes said: “What’s a dog? Why has it got a tail? What’s a lemon? Is that a motorbike? Why has that man got a hat on?

“I’m not interested in any of these things, I just like to see adults pushed to their limits.

“What’s an adult? How long do they live? When do children become adults? What is cheese? What’s a horse? Can a horse drive a car?

“And, of course, where do babies come from? Let’s not forget that one, it’s a classic.”

Child psychologist Emma Bradshaw said: “It had been thought that ‘the questions’ were a natural consequence of innocent, childish curiosity.

“But they aren’t interested in the world, they just went to do your head in. They relish sucking your brain dry, like little brain parasites.”

Wayne Hayes added: “What’s a parasite? Is it like a parachute? Or is it like a parrot? Do parrots live in trees? Is wood from trees? Are trees a type of building?

“I can keep this going for days.”