Ed Miliband to dress like Bootsy Collins

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is to embrace his weird side by dressing like a member of 70s collective Funkadelic.

Miliband’s new look of vinyl boots, wraparound shades, body paint and a light-up codpiece will emphasise that he is a complete and total freak.

Party chair Harriet Harman said: “Ed’s attempt to masquerade as a normal person has failed pitifully, so he’s going the full Bootsy.

“Voters will think yes he’s strange, yes he’s probably a visitor from another world, but maybe an injection of intergalactic funk is exactly what our economy needs.”

Miliband, wearing a gold cowboy hat and carrying the Staff of Ra, will tell Andrew Neil on Sunday Politics that he built the pyramids, communes with the fish-gods of Sirius, and will reduce the deficit with a windfall tax on hedge fund profits.

Voter reaction has been positive. Wayne Hayes of Stockton-on-Tees said: “The 70s afro-futurist pimp look has been underused in British politics, apart from the SDP.

“Instead of debating corporate tax avoidance, Ed will simply cut loose with a wild otherworldly guitar solo, funk the roof off parliament and beam up to his mothership.

“Finally, a politician we can all believe in.”

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Smoking ban undermined by people sucking things

ANTI-SMOKING campaigners have called for a ban on anything that can be sucked.

They claim e-cigarettes are undermining the smoking ban because they expose children and young adults to things being sucked in a public place.

Health campaigner, Martin Bishop, said: “Initially we want a ban on things that are designed specifically to be sucked and then we can move on to banning anything that can be sucked.

“Of course, in theory, everything in the world can be sucked, but it’s a price worth paying. We can only end the scourge of tobacco when we have denormalised the desire to suck on something.”

Tom Logan, a 17 year-old from Stevenage, said: “Let’s all just calm down.”