ED Miliband is to quit the Labour leadership and join a gang of amateur detectives led by a ravenous Great Dane.
Miliband admitted last night that his brother David becoming the head of International Rescue is more impressive than him becoming prime minister.
But he now believes he can leapfrog his brother by joining an organisation that has a much better ‘hit-rate’ in apprehending evil-doers.
Miliband said: “When you look beyond the scary, abandoned fairgrounds and the massive sandwiches, the Scooby Doo gang is actually doing some really important work in the community.
“But I want the gang to get more involved, particularly with schools and the elderly. I look at Shaggy and I see a young man, perhaps lacking in confidence, but with tremendous potential.”
He added: “Many of this country’s abandoned fairgrounds are actually owned by devious Bulgarians who want to scare away developers and keep the gold for themselves.
“I’m not suggesting that all Bulgarians are scary fairground owners, but by tackling the sort of immigrants who are not contributing to Britain we can make the Scooby Doo Gang relevant to ordinary, hard working families.”
Scooby Doo said: “I’m delighted that Ed wants to get involved. We just have to pinpoint what his strengths are. Because we already have a Velma.”