VOTERS in England last night found themselves terrorised and seduced by a medium sized Scottish woman.
As SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon continued to not f**k up a pandemic, English voters admitted they found her deeply threatening ‘but in a good way’.
Jane Thompson, from Hatfield, said: “She’s a combination of Suzi Quatro and Sir Alex Ferguson. But I understand that all Scottish women are exactly like that.
“Noisy, efficient and utterly merciless.”
Julian Cook, from Finsbury Park, said: “She’s strong like Thatcher, but with a human touch that says, ‘I’m going to let you live, but on my terms’.
“She will now conquer us because we are led by M&S mannequins that don’t even have heads.
“But I think Sturgeon’s will be a mostly benign dictatorship and I have no objection to adopting vile Scottish habits if that becomes the law.”