Sunday, 25th October 2020

Government announces four more weeks of lockdown for Britain and 44 more weeks of lockdown for Priti Patel

THE government has signalled that Britain could face another four weeks of lockdown, and Priti Patel could face a further 40 after that. 

Following the home secretary’s appearance at a press conference last week in which she told Britain she was deeply sorry that it was so wrong and stupid, Patel is facing full lockdown until 2021 at the very least.

A Downing Street spokesman said: “Regretfully we are not in a position to relax lockdown rules for Britain yet, but be assured you will be back out long, long before Priti Patel.

“We’re not afraid to admit when we’ve made mistakes, and letting her out of her box last week was a very serious one. The handlers managed to get her away from the mic less than a second before she said ‘you all deserve it and worse’.

“So while unfortunately Britain must hold the line, remain indoors and help us flatten that curve, I hope it offers some comfort that the home secretary will not taste the freedom of a press conference for months more. Years even.”

When asked if Patel would resign as a minister, the spokesman said: “Resign? No way. She’s a brown woman who hates immigrants. Long-term she’s going to come in very, very useful.”