Inflation rises because Tories have f**ked up everything all at once

INFLATION is at almost three per cent because the Conservative government has fucked up the economy, public services and Brexit simultaneously. 

Spiralling inflation and a possible recession would normally be considered a crisis needing immediate attention but the government has ordered it to the back of a long queue. 

Tory chairman Patrick McLoughlin said: “Sorry, not now, we’ve got to negotiate with maniacs. 

“And after that we’ve got another negotiation where we’re the maniacs, so you can see we’re a bit busy. 

“Also we’ve got a housing crisis that we haven’t even begun to handle, the NHS is busted, we’re not remotely coping with terrorism and don’t mention education. That’s such a mess we’ll have to give the kids a year off and start again. 

“It is remarkable how there is not one area of policy where we have not fucked up, and how they’re all reaching crisis point at once. I’d like to see another party manage that.”