HOLLYWOOD superstar Kevin Bacon is to lead a dance rebellion against Gordon Brown after the Prime Minister called for a ban on rock'n'roll.
Mr Brown told the Labour conference in Bournemouth that loud, sexually rhythmic music was undermining the moral fabric of our community.
The Prime Minister said: "If our Lord wasn't testing us, how would you account for the proliferation, these days, of this obscene rock and roll music, with its gospel of easy sexuality and relaxed morality?"
But Kevin Bacon announced an immediate fightback and has already set up impromptu rock'n'roll dance classes at schools and sports centres across the South East and the Midlands.
Announcing a ban on popular music, 'gigs' and discos, Mr Brown said: "Besides the liquor and the drugs which always seem to accompany such events, the thing that distresses me even more is the spiritual corruption that can be involved."
He added: "This infernal cacophony is designed to confuse the mind and the body."
Kevin Bacon's support team will include Lori Singer, Sarah Jessica Parker and singer-songwriter Kenny Loggins.
The star of Flatliners will use his patented 'double-headphones' technique to give intensive one-on-one tuition to hundreds of clumsy farm boys.
"I'm sure that as soon as Kevin Bacon does something selfless and at the same time irresistibly charming, your Prime Minister will see the error of his ways," said Loggins.