Labelling half the country whining Remoaner twats 'not the best idea', admits May

CALLING half of UK voters losers who should shut their traitor mouths forever may not have been a brilliant idea, Theresa May has admitted.

The prime minister said: “I couldn’t be more shocked.

“That these radical dissenter bastards for some reason don’t like having their views comprehensively disregarded is something nobody could have expected.

“I don’t understand it. When Cameron called them all fat, lazy bastards who were getting austerity because they’d sucked on the state tit for too damn long, they were fine with it.”

May added: “How dare they deny the will of the British people? The good, correct British people, that is.”

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'So, we're all agreed this is a great deal' confirms May

THERESA May is happy that everyone thinks her Brexit deal is brilliant in every possible way.

Moments after the historic Commons vote the prime minister put her feet up and placed her hands behind her head, smiling contently.

May said: “Tory and Labour, Leave and Remain, Punks and Skins, the DUP and rational, forward thinking, normal human beings. They all bloody loved it.”

May then suggested she might take a few weeks off from politics as she had so clearly ‘nailed it’ with her Brexit deal.

A Downing Street source said: “We’ve been trying to tell her for weeks but she’d just put her headphones on and listen to London Calling at full volume.

“We tried writing it on signs and showing them to her but she just spun round in her chair to face the wall.”

May added: “Yes, a job well done.”