May offered me drugs, claims Juncker

EUROPEAN Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker claimed the prime minister offered him a range of narcotics over dinner.

Juncker claimed that May and her Brexit team were ‘clearly high’ during the dinner and repeatedly invited him to join them.

He said: “David Davis told the same story about the European Court of Justice three times in succession, which caused me to realise he was off his face on edibles.

“May said, ‘Let’s make Brexit a success,’ then leaned across the table to offer me the fattest line I’d ever seen, her eyes glittery and unfocused.

“She seemed shocked when I refused, then told me we could sort out all this ‘rights of EU citizens bullshit’ tonight if we wanted because she had some 90 per cent pure MDMA. Again, I declined.

“As I stood to leave she shook hands, then hugged me, then inhaled deeply of my scent while going ‘mmmmmm’, then said she regretted our disagreements.

“I agreed then she smiled and said, hopefully, ‘Ket?’”