Britain begs for even earlier election

THE public has urged the prime minister to call an even earlier election, like next Tuesday, so this bullshit can end. 

The nation has united in agreement that June 8th is nowhere near soon enough and they are ready to cast their votes next week, however catastrophic the result.

Labour supporter Eleanor Shaw said: “The government I despise will be given the legitimacy of a huge majority, the party I love will be destroyed perhaps forever, and I still say bring it on.

“I can’t bear the headlines. I can’t bear the thinkpieces. I can’t bear my own hectoring posts on social media which will not change the mind of one single person.

“End the misery. The outcome is pre-ordained. Kill me now.”

Plumber Tom Logan agreed: “Theresa, don’t force us to go through the motions until we’re repeating ‘strong and chaos and coalition and stable’ robotically along with you.

“Call a really snap election. The next ten minutes is fine. The next 30 seconds wouldn’t be too soon.

“Say we’ve already had it and you’ve won if you want. We promise we won’t argue.”