Osborne googled ‘is it okay to eat flies?’

GOOGLE’S tax deal was rushed through after the company threatened to leak George Osborne’s disturbing internet history, it has emerged.

The chancellor’s internet records have since been sealed for 70 years in a Californian vault, but are thought to reveal a fixation with consuming live insects.

A Google source said: “He looked up ‘is it OK to eat flies’ and ‘poison darts for crossbow’ at least once a week.

“He also searched for ‘is miaow miaow legal’ and ‘cannibal tribes that live in caves’.

“At 4am last Tuesday he searched ‘worms stripping flesh from horse’, then at 5am ‘really chunky women with big ginger hair and clown-like makeup stripping flesh from horse’.

The employee added that Osborne would continually click back to a live webcam feed of Margaret Thatcher’s gravestone for up to fifteen minutes at a time.

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Facebook to add ‘F**k That' button to events

PEOPLE will be able to say ‘F**k That’ to event invitations from next week, Facebook has confirmed.

After users complained a standard refusal failed to reflect how unappealing somebody’s poetry recital sounded, the additional option was added to underline the strong aversion they felt towards certain events.

Facebook use Nikki Hollis said: “Some things you can’t go to and some things you can but you don’t want to because they sound thoroughly awful.

“When someone asks me to help decorate their house I no longer have to think of sarcastic things I’d rather do, like wiping my arse with a handful of Lego.”

Eventually the site’s algorithms will automatically detect which sort of events an account would say ‘Fuck That’ to, based on geographical distance, entry fee or the involvement of ukuleles.

Facebook is also renaming the ‘Maybe’ button on events as the more sincere ‘No, but I’ll wait until more people have responded’.

Hollis said: “My best friend just had a baby so I can see this being really useful in the next 18-or-so years.”

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